We have a new knee in the home.

New knees, I am learning are not quite as demanding as a new baby or a new puppy, but they get very close.

Fortunately the new knee is not mine. I am just the slave to the new knee and its owner. A new role for yours truly; one that has been a long time coming. And now the time is here.

I have not been looking forward to this event, but am glad we are safely through the hospital bit, and hopefully on a road to easier walking and getting back out into the woods and fields, dunes and beach, and even just walking into town together.

Fingers are crossed.

So how have I been preparing myself for slave duties? To slave with love and a smile on my face whilst wishing I were in my studio or on the beach? I have two weeks blocked out in my diary for slaving. And after a day I am already more tired than I expected. Slaving is hard work. Up and down stairs. Preparing all the meals, washing up , making drinks, managing tablets, filling the ice machine several times a day. The list is longish. The patient is hoping for meat, and is not getting much..... he is hoping for cards, but the postman brings bills. There is much to be disappointed about. Tomorrow I must provide sausages.

I think of all those caring long term for those who need help, and am grateful that this is a temporary episode.

So, as I said, how have I been preparing?

I have been learning to meditate. I mentioned this in my last blog post. I promised to feed back on my progress, so here goes;

The answer?

Better than expected. Much better. 

Previously I have tried a variety of apps and podcasts. On holiday I tried sound therapy. Lying on the floor listening to gongs and crystal bowls was relaxing, but as usual my mind filled with a multitude of thoughts that crowded my head. I didn't know how to stop them.

I became  angry at the suggestion in one meditation tape that I could manifest any life that I choose. I honestly believe that just saying what you wish for is not going to make it happen. What I do believe is that setting goals and working out steps to achieve them is much more likely to get me where I wish to be. 

For a long time I have been unable to focus 'mindfully' for more than 5 minutes. So many times I have given up before the end of a session. 

So what has transformed my feelings about meditation after years of failure?

Well, it all started when I signed up for a course in the newspaper to help me spend less time on my phone. This was a good decision. I wanted to stop checking my apps and spending time reading the news when I could be doing something more productive. Learning Spanish for one. Reading a book with a mind that is not whirling and distracted for another.

The 4 week course has helped a lot. I have removed news apps from my phone and swapped them for Spanish education. The course also recommended the Healthy Minds Program which comes as. a free app for learning to meditate with the aim of becoming less stressed and more connected with the world outside your head.

In the Healthy Minds Program there are meditations and short talks about the mindfulness process available with a choice of presenters, that can be done whilst sitting or when active. I have tried both and find them excellent. For the first time in my life I find myself looking forward to my daily meditation and brief education session. I am up to 20 minutes daily, and wanting to try 30 minutes this week. No one is more surprised than I am!

I have been 'batting away dirty cloths' of habitual thoughts, thinking of small things to appreciate in my daily life, considering my values and learning about the 'executive network' in my brain.  The variety of methods for observing the inner voices are really interesting, and I find myself practising my new skills as I walk, drive, communicate and rest. If one method doesn't work, then there are other things to try. I enjoy a full body scan in which I focus on parts of my body from top to bottom, or just focussing on the sounds that I can hear around me without making any judgments about them.

.I feel like a meditation evangalist. I want to tell everyone about this program.

Some beautiful things have come out of it. 

I walked into our local shopping centre after one session during which I was invited to connect with strangers; to be open to the lives of others without judgement. I met a frail looking elderly man about to head out into pouring rain, all alone. I caught his eye and said 'you don't want to go out there....' as a way of briefly connecting. He stopped and told me how he had to catch a bus home. His phone had locked him out, and he had had to go to the phone shop to get it sorted. This was a long journey by bus. Then he explained that he needed to get it fixed urgently as he was waiting for a phone call to find out whether he had lung cancer. He thanked me for talking and went on his way. I felt so moved by this exchange. I probably wouldn't have made if I hadn't been for my session that day.

Two days ago I was on the train to London to visit the new knee.

It was busy, and a beautiful young woman was on the phone to her (presumed) partner as she stood in the aisle beside my seat. Her small, wide eyed daughter held her hand. She was explaining how she had locked herself out of the house that morning, and had't been able to get back in. How her daughter was sick and she hoped to get an appointment at Harley Street, and how she was planning steak and pommes dauphinoise for dinner. My immediate reaction was to think of her as a very privileged, and wondering how she had time to cook pommes dauphinoise with everything else that was going on. Perhaps she has live in help.

But she looked stressed, so as we got off the train I plucked up the courage to say to her 'dinner sounds good, even if the rest of the day isn't'. She replied 'it always is!' followed by an outpouring of all the disasters of her day as we walked together across the station concourse. There were more problems; she had had to take her daughter to three work meetings, her partner was completely tied up with the launch of a new product, and there was pus pouring out of her daughter's ear. She thanked me for listening, saying that being able to talk was  'sometimes all that was needed'. We parted ways, and once again I was moved by the exchange. She may have been privileged, but she was human, and was having a really difficult day. She, like knee man, also seems to put food high on her list of priorities.

Slowly but surely I am learning to be 'open' to my thoughts. I find this a difficult concept to understand or explain, but I am confident that this course is leading me in the right direction. It lasts for several weeks.

I already feel calmer, less anxious and more able to see things in a positive light. 

Meanwhile 'the knee' will slowly mend, and I will be back in my studio before long.

Now I must go and buy sausages, or there will be a riot.  And then I will start work on a book about leaves, my current fixation and next project. One of the upsides of being stuck at home is that I have discovered two fixes for computer frustrations in the last 24 hours.

Every cloud.....

Thank you for reading.

Here we are in January once again. Cold, grey days and resolutions for the new year.

January is the most challenging month in my view. It is unpuctuated by celebrations, and summer feels so far away.

I work hard on strategies to lift my mood and stay positive. It is a time for reflection and planning. I don't make resolutions, but I do spend a bit of time gazing at my navel, wondering what to focus on when the garden is quiet and my studio is too cold to spend much time in.

I watched a Youtube video on Buddhist principles that got me thinking. It challenged me to ask 'What is my Why?'

More specifically it asked me to name the three things that really matter to me.

I sat down with my trusty typewriter, Olive, and made a list of things that came to mind. There were many more than three.

The list included, in no particular order.......

• family
  
• the environment
  
• landscape
• friends
  
• healthy living choices
  
• trees
• water
• adventure
• mountains
• creativity
• words
• music
• feeling useful
  
• light
  
• time alone
  

Many more than three, so I tried to allocate them to groups with a common thread.

There seemed to me to be three key categories emerging:

1. self care
2. landscape
3. environment

Now I could have chosen different categories, such as relationships, health, or art or but I decided that a lot of what I do is about making sure that I feel calm and creative, and to achieve this I need to feel that I am living in a way that is true to my values.

So first, I put 'Self Care'.

Into this group fall good relationships, time for creativity, regular exposure to outdoors and sunlight, healthy eating and exercise, activities that allow me to feel useful, and making space in my week for time alone in a creative environment.

The second group I call Landscape

Into this group I place natural environments that I crave, such as oceans, forests and mountains, together with time for exploring and 'adventures'. My adventures are not epic, but going away even for a few days to new places is really important to my sense of purpose. Even a few hours immersed in a forest or wood are immensely uplifting.

For this year I plan to travel by train across Europe. From west to east and back..... destinations as yet unknown...... but I would like to make it to a little town in Croatia where I spend happy days as a teenager in a tiny caravan with my family.


Lastly there is the third category, Environment.

This creates a degree of conflict with the second category. My desire to explore the world conflicts with the effects of travel on the environment. I can, and do, choose train and bus when possible, but in order to visit family I have no choice but to fly long distances.
Much of my art work recently has been about my local environment, in particular beach litter. The images that you see above are made from manipulated screenshots from Google Earth of places that I long to visit, but would feel guilty about travelling to, Antarctica is one such place.

In the meantime I try not to eat things that have travelled long distances, and spend more time than most people picking up litter........

So what have I been doing in January to live by my 'Why'?

I visited a solo exhibition 'Kaleidoscope/London' at the Guildhall Art Gallery by Anne Desmet. Anne's kaleidoscope based collages created using her own wood block prints of London scenes were inspiring. Her attention to detail is extraordinary, and I enjoyed seeing all the different types of paper that she uses in her printmaking. 

I particularly enjoyed her collage onto razor shells. Anne was inspired to use the pastel colours of the razor shells to represent a dawn or dusk sky over an international city skyline. The fragility of the shells serves as a metaphor for the vulnerabiity of all human civilisation with respect the climate cricis. A subtle but powerful work.

I went to my regular writer's group for an uplifting chat and a friendly ( sheepish) cup of tea.

There I learned about the naming of full moons. Did you know that each month's full moon has a different name, based on native American culture? January is a Wolf Moon, named after the howling of wolves during the food scarce winter month. My favourite is 'Worm Moon' for March. Imagine the worms throwing up their first casts as the frozen soil thaws in early spring.

You can read more about moon cycles and names here.

No matter that I hadn't written anything for the group. I can't write to order, and luckily others were feeling more inspired.

I have started trying to do a daily meditation. Five to 10 minutes daily. The first was sitting with my eyes closed in the morning sun in a small shelter on Rye golf course, during my habitual morning walk.

I find meditating extraordinarily difficult. My mind races with thoughts, and as I try to 'bat them away like clouds', more appear on the horizon. But it is exactly for calming these thoughts that I am going to try ( again) to make this a regular habit. If I could do it every day with my eyes closed and my face turned to the sun I am sure it would be a whole lot easier. I will let you know how it goes.

 And what of creative endeavors?

Not much has been happening in January.... and this is normal for me.

So to make myself do 'something', I created some marks on paper for the @areyoubookenough challenge on Instagram.  This month the theme was 'wild'.

I had the idea to create images of 'wild 'places on earth, and manipulate them as per the images at the top of this post. But my heart wasn't in it, and it reminded me too much of lockdown , when I yearned to be somewhere other than suburbia.. So I changed tack and made some wild marks on a long sheet of paper, which I then folded into a concertina. I enjoyed the process, and experimented with different objects to make the marks. My favourites were a feather and a piece of fishing rope from the beach.

Son sent me off to north London to draw meerkats in a wildlife drawing class. I now know that drawing fast moving furry creatures is a test! How to stay calm when the delightful creatures hold poses for less than 10 seconds.. I found it challenging: a bit like an exam when you turn over the paper and don't understand the questions....... but it was a great exercise in enjoying the journey rather than worrying about the outcomes.  Highgate is a very interesting part of town; I even found a delightful river walk with ducks tucked in between the road and the expensive houses. 

Oh, and I nearly forgot.......

I took 8 trains and two buses to deliver my work 'Sansui 1' to the Royal West of England Academy for the upcoming exhibition 'RWA Open 2025: Paper Works'

I think that comes under 'environment' as well as creativity. It was an exhausting day!

Do let me know your top three 'why's'.

I am intrigued to know how different they might be.